WOW

"It wasn't so long ago that you were mired in that old stagnant life of sin. You let the world, which doesn't know the first thing about living, tell you how to live. You filled your lungs with polluted unbelief, and then exhaled disobedience. We all did it, all of us doing what we felt like doing, when we felt like doing it, all of us in the same boat. It's a wonder God didn't lose his temper and do away with the whole lot of us. Instead, immense in mercy and with an incredible love, he embraced us. He took our sin-dead lives and made us alive in Christ. He did all this on his own, with no help from us! Then he picked us up and set us down in the highest heaven in company with Jesus, our Messiah." Ephesians 2: 1-6

Wow. This is the God we serve, or don't serve. People, God is generous in his love for us. Today's sermon combined with the days events and this scripture, there is a well inside me that is quickly changing from empty to full and the result of this will be life changing for me. Thank you so much Lord for loving me enough to give me multiple chances to attempt to show you my love. I need your strength more than ever and I pray you will instill within me the power to forgive and the need to love and live for you. How great is our God?!?!

I want to live in The Shack

Ok...so it has been fooooreeeeeveeeeeer. I'm sorry to those who lived on my every word. ha.

This post will kinda be a recap of the last month of my life. Random points here and there, don't worry.

I want to start by saying how GOOD God is...in every sense of the word.

1. The Shack
2. Emotional Restoration
3. Weight loss journey
4. Job opportunities.

yes, i just bulletined my blog highlights.

mmk back to business.

1. I read the shack this past month and it was incredible. I absolutely loved it. It has made me look at so many things differently and has made God, and the trinity so much more real and applicable. I believe the message of the book is incredibly powerful and has the ability to literally change lives. The author writes from semi experience based on the troubles of his life growing up and it is truly authentic.

- Sitting in church today, something clicked in my head. Something that is incredibly simple but makes understanding human nature a lot easier. When we chose to sin, it is because we believe God is not good. We believe He is not enough, so we turn to the world. Now don't get me wrong, ive known this all along...but there is something that just clicked. The simplicity of it. I have never been given a reason to doubt God, or believe He is not Good. In fact, compared to alot of people i know, I've had a fairly easy life. I am very blessed. All I know is God's goodness, so it just goes to show how our nature gets the best of us when we're not always on guard.

....Anyways, back to the book. If you havent read it, do so....quickly. It's worth it I promise!

2. God has used that book and many other things to fill the void I had recently. Anyone that has felt pain and hurt, or even just dissappointment at certain events that take place in life, that we dont really have much of a say in knows what I was feelings. Heartbreak. But God really did do something amazing and it kinda seemed like overnight. Amazing how that happens. I'm not going to stand here (simply because im actually laying in bed right now) and tell you Im not sad at times or that I dont get lonely, cause everyone does....but I understand the purpose and the process better, now.

3. I havent blogged about my weightloss in well over a month, but I have lost 19lbs. I truly am greatful that JC has given me the strength to keep going with this and for making it seem very attainable. My goal is 45lbs total, but i started saying i wanted to lose 20-30lbs by the end of summer...my goal is very close and I can alllllmost reach it. I'm really happy about it! I feel great and I am much more confident =)

and 4. I actually have a 2nd interview tomorrow (monday 7/12) on the phone with LU for the recruitment position. I'm in the top 3 out of all interviewed and tomorrow is just a few more questions, then they will pick out of us 3. I'm seriously thanking God so much for allowing me the opportunity even thus far. Even if I don't get it, I know that God will use it =) but i feel pretty confident I will get it.

SO YEA...thats my life at this point...in a nutshell.


peace

I've gotta feelin'

So a few random things...

1. The new Black Eye Peas CD is hoppin', and by hoppin' i mean bangin', and by bangin', i mean rockin'! Seriously...if your body like to move...it will be thanking you for months.

2. God is soo good. Potentially I could go from having an empty plate to a feast in a few short days. I will explain further if it pans out.

3. I had the weirdest dream last night. crazy weird. I woke up laughing...

4. I'm sure in the vast, deep blue ocean there is at least one fish with aquaphobia. Why do i think this? Because God likes humor just as much as we do.

5. I have some of the best friends in the world.

6. I want to be famous.



thats it. smile!

-PapaBear

I wouldn't say Im freakin out, buuuut...

Ok...

I'm seriously not trying to complain anymore than I already have, cause God is good.
But heres the thing. I only got one shift at work last week and I had to call out sick which sucked. I'm waiting to see how many I get for next week but I have to be honest...I'm not very optimistic. I have a feeling I'm not going to make much money the rest of the summer which is a real bummer. I would love to see God do something amazing out of this and I have the faith that He will. But it is tough to just sit and wait. I'm trying to apply for jobs but considering im trying to go back up to VA in the fall, i highly doubt any businesses will hire me for 2 months which adds another negative to the puzzle.

please keep praying for me!


On a more positive note...I'm at the lowest weight I've been at since I started losing. I hit a little hiccup cause of various celebrations...but I've now lost 11 1/2 lbs. I weighed in this morning at 258. I feel good and I praise God he has kept me strong so far.

God bless, I promise my next blog will be funny...haha I'm workin on some stuff =)


peace

Jordan

Interesting...

So i continue to learn...

Sitting in church tonight it started to sink in....how much God really loves us. It is incredible!!! I totally understand what Paul was talking about in Romans when He was fighting with his human nature. I find myself really wanting to grow closer to God, but it really is hard. Life seems to get in the way so easily. I really am trying...but then when i look at my actions, it seems like my want to strive for righteousness doesn't mean anything. I know its not true...God just wants us to try, but when i see myself not quite matching up with what i want...i get frustrated.

I'm really tryin to get my life together...but sometimes it feels like it's out of control. It definitely helps when I get encouragement like i did tonight. Corrie rocks!

hahaha. I sit in awe of how incredible God is and how much he deserves. We love because he first loved us. He gave us the perfect example of everything we should be on earth. When you really think of the ultimate sacrifice He gave us and the blessings he continues to give us every day, we owe Him our lives in service at least. My pastor pointed out such an amazing principle... God has always been searching for man. When He said this I kinda had to think about it cause growing up i heard, "God just wants you to take the first step and he'll be right there with you". But if you look in Genesis, when Adam and Eve ate from the tree and were trying to hide themselves...GOD came looking for Adam. He has and will always be persuing us! How incredible is that. Despite my inconsistancy and lack of faith...God never grows impatient and He continues to persue my heart. What a loving God I serve....How can I, and you wake up every morning and not praise Him for who He is. There is none like Him. There is no other name, given to man, by which we can be saved. He who had known no sin, BECAME sin and sacrificed his life, so that we may know God. When I think about these things they nearly bring tears to my eyes. God gave so much and most the time i give so little, and He loves me just the same.

I'm really rambling right now, but I just feel overwhelmed with grace and love right now, so deal with it. Buuut God is awesome and he continues to show me new things everyday =)


peace,

Jordan

nuggets

dooo dee dooo dee dooooo...."OH, hey there! I didn't notice you..."


Ok so heres what i got for you'll tonight. Birthdays are all happy and perfect, right? hardly. Usually for me i end up losing my temper or being bummed out. This yr i didnt lose my temper, so it was automatically a decent day, but i am a bit bummed.

Life has been a little wishy washy recently. I have alot of free time on my hands and no money....which is a really bad combination. I should be spending it wisely, but who actually spends time wisely anymore?!?!
- so being kinda bummed, i opened the Bible. I didn't really find anything that stuck out to me so I picked up this devotional book i have of Max Lucado and read a bout a weeks worth of devotionals. I found 3 concepts i really needed to hear.

1. patience
2. perserverance
3. prayer

p.s. i really didnt try and do the alliteration thing, that was legit. im not baptist, trust me.

1. Patience is a gift of the Holy Spirit. It is a free gift that is given to us, but to develop it we have to be intune with the spirit inside of us. The Holy Spirit can only show you so much if you're not really working together. Good ole Max said to pray for patience if you dont have it. Keep keep keep praying for patience and you will get it, God will not grow impatient with you.

2. Perserverance. The new testament talks about this all the time, probably because of its importance, duh. Lucado uses the story of the fishermen out at sea. When they dropped there nights over and over and didnt get any fish all night. The Lord comes to them and tells them to drop their nets one more time...this story hit me hard tonight. When we(I) struggle through life, God sees it. It's not like he's standing in a corner with His hands up blocking is sight...He sees you. He knows you're struggling and he sees that your weak. Knowing all this He asks us to keep trying....just ooone more time. Push and push til you hit the wall, then push it over. This is a hard concept for me to actually apply cause its so much easier to give up. Refer to James 1 for more on the topic.

3. Prayer. Ok ok, show of hands....who doesn't worry? ..... ...... ...... right, me neither. It seems like worry has become a part of my life, and im sure someone else feels the same. That doesnt have to be the case. The Bible says to pray about everything, pray without ceasing, present your requests to God. Prayer is something that is so simple, yet so complex. Prayer relies on faith. I really really really need to work on this cause my prayer life has gotten laaaaame. I worry way to much and it's stressing me out lately...and those of you who know me, i never stress. so this is a big deal.

i guess they say you learn more in the low points of your life, right? well i sure hope so.


tryin to stay positive. life's tough =/

JB

Music

Pretty basic blog today, so don't get your hopes up. I know you're used to amazing words flowing from my lips, grabbed my hands and rolling off my fingertips into your hearts, but you aint gunna get much of that today.


Music is amazing. God really knew what he was doing when he created these rhythms and melodies. There is such power in the collection of sounds. I can be in what seems like the depths, and one simple song can lift me up to normalcy. Or i can be feeling totally okay and i hear a song and almost cry (ya i know im lame). It's crazy to think about how much music effects emotion. It's beautiful, really.

I wish i had talent like that. ha



feelin a bit melancholy today, which believe it or not is better than i thought id be. I feel like im falling and i really hope there is a trampoline below me. haha. I think i'll do a blog about humor soon, cause there is something amazing about humor as well. sweet. im all over the place today.


peace.

You receive not because you ask not.....ORRR because you're not ready

Look into a mirror. No seriously.....I'll wait.......

did you go look? probably not, but my point is this. What do you see? Do you see more or less than what you would like to see? Do you see someone that God sacrificed His son for? Do you see a beautiful Creation?

That is where we have to start. everyday...looking at ourselves with the understanding that we have something to offer the world, even if it's not much, we do! even on our darkest days, we DO have something to offer.

OK, now that we have briefly addressed our Identity in Christ, I now want to transition into a time of our expectations of God based on our Identities...but mainly mine, because, well, I'm the one writing. DUH!
The title of this blog is what it is for a very specific reason. The scriptures say ask and you shall receive, and later states, you have not because you ask not. This is taken way out of context, along with the verse "He will give you the desires of your heart". There is so much going on within scripture around these verses that gets overlooked. We read that and we say, "hmmm...I have not cause I ask not? Well then I'll simply ask...God, can I have this?" Not quiiiiiite how it works, unfortunately. Ha.

Hopefully this is as cohesive here as it is in my head. What Im trying to say is that I find myself asking God for things that I'm not ready for. I don't do this on purpose...but something in my pride actually makes me think I am ready and I can handle it. I was in the shower yesterday and it hit me...maybe things don't always work out cause I'm not ready for everything that comes with them. WOW, what a freakin' concept.

out of this post, which is mainly for me anyways, I would like for you to get a few things if possible.

1. Just because you ask, doesn't mean you'll receive.
2. We more often then not do not receive because we are not as ready as we think we are.
3. His ways are higher than our ways
4. His love endures forever.
5. I suck - no thats a joke. I am everything in Him and nothing outside of Him.

Until me, you, or Madea understands these truths we will continue to be frustrated when we ask and don't recieve. I write this as I am "waiting" for something in particular. It is not right, right now, because I am not right, right now. With this recent understanding I will try to get myself right, so I will be ready when the situation arises.

Truth must be your foundation if you hope to build towards greatness.


thats it. random and messy. take it or leave it.
peeeeace!

Jordan

keep on keepin on...

So i weighed myself this morning and I have lost 10 1/2 pounds in 10 days. I couldnt be happier about the speed at which im losing weight. It really is a blessing from the Lord because up to this point it hasnt been too difficult. This process is actually helping me build some much needed discipline are well.

I started my journey weighing 269.5 and I weighed in this morning at 259. To be honest i dont really feel any different and i dont think i look like i've lost 10lbs, but hopefully i will keep losing. I said to myself that i would be happy if i lost 20lbs by the end of the summer, but here we are at only the end of may and I've already lost 10. So why stop at 20, right? right. The way im eating isnt too much different than before, just a little more controlled. I think i could live like this from now on and be happy, especially if i keep losing weight.

so a week and a half after i started im 259. I realize my pace will slow after about 2 weeks, and I might be a little discouraged, but keep praying for me and encouraging me. The good thing is im in florida for the summer and we've got the hottest part of summer ahead of us....so hopefully i can sweat off an extra few pounds. haha. If I am under 24o by the time i go back to school i will be very proud of myself!!! and truely very happy. My end goal is about 225-230. I DONT want to be skinny, thats a fact (no offense Bill). But at 230 I think i would be in good shape. I understand 40lbs is alot, and i dont expect to hit this goal very quickly, but I will eventually. I promise you this!

thanking God for His graces,

Jordan

This is tough

I'm in a really tough time in my life right now. It's getting hard to find joy, which is really sad. I wouldn't say I'm depressed, but I'm really struggling with having a positive outlook on life right now.

It feels like I'm getting hit with a wall of frustration and confusion. The thoughts in my head are all scrambled and despite a genuine longing to search harder after God, getting caught up in stupid bad habits. I looked in 1 Peter tonight and found an encouraging verse.

⁶In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. ⁷These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. ⁸Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, ⁹for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls....¹³Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed. ¹⁴As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance. ¹⁵But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; ¹⁶for it is written: "Be holy, because I am holy."


There is a part in there that stood out to me. It's the part that says put your hope in the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed. What i gather from this is that we are NOT supposed to put our hope in current situations because we will continue to be let down and boy do i know that to be true currently. I want my faith to be proved genuine, but I'm finding harder and harder to trust God lately, even when im trying more. It's just such a principle that is foreign to man...just let go...it seems ridiculous.

I'm trying here, I really am. I want to be joyful...I pride myself in being a happy, funny guy that people want to be around. However its getting harder to hold on to that happiness. Please pray for me. There are alot of decisions to make in my near future that will effect it directly, with relationships and situations.

peace,

Jordan

A walk on the lighter side...

So, since i've been home i've been trying to eat healthier and work out. The result in the first 6 days is the loss of 5lbs. I feel pretty good, im not going to lie. I'm officially doing weight watchers now and im going to continue to work out. My goal is to lose at least 20lbs by the end of summer!
I definitely feel like i can achieve this and I can't wait...

I will keep updating each week, giving my weight lost. Cheer me on!




p.s. Bill and Rev are getting married next Saturday...INSANE!


Jordan,

Peace

think about it

I wonder if gay men ever secretly want to go to prison.

............think about it.







peace

Out of Hibernation

so here's the deal...

1. I'm a college graduate now! hooray hooray, right? riiiiight. My experience as a college graduate has shown me that it is very easy to take time for granted. I graduated on a Saturday, left Lynchburg on a wednesday, and I'm currently alone at home on a Friday. Livin the life, what can i say(i hope you can sense my sarcasm). Its not all bad, dont get me wrong.

2. I'm 2 days removed from Lynchburg and it seems like a yr. I never thought i'd miss that place as much as i do. I could be a little bias cause the beautiful girl that has my heart is still there, but i really did learn to love that city. Hopefully i can find a way to get back there.

3. The job search begins. I have my degree in Psychology, with a specialization in counseling. I am not really qualified for much with just my undergraduate. I have to find a job to get me through grad school, even if it sucks....then I'll be sitting pretty!

4. I love my friends more than anything in the world. they have been my family away from home for 4 yrs. I miss them so much already, but I have this reassurance that I will be back in the burg, or see them before i know it. If not, i guess God will show me a reason for it.




enjoy,

peace

So Until Then

A lot can happen when the sun goes down,
as long as it happens without a sound,
Cause we're whispering our words away,
stay still, stay here, just stay...

Breath in the beauty of the earth and sea,
smile for yourself or smile for me.
Whatever it takes to make you happy,
that's the man I'll be...

You're eyes have the power to save
and your lips continue to amaze,
but your heart has awaken me,
that I may see your beauty.

You are all that I know and all that I love,
I will only be what you see in me,
cause you're the greatest hope I see,
I pray that when you open your eyes you'll see only me.

Soon we'll be gone, who knows how long.
Hold on to the hope of the past,
you never believe me but my love will last
waiting strong til you come back
praying my heart will soon come back

So kiss me, cause until then I'll be here.
hold on to the love inside of you,
hold on to the words we've said so true
We will be together again soon,
but until then I will love you more
than I know how, more than you will remember,
more than you can forget,
I will love youwith every breath I have left

Neglect

I haven't written recently, and I'm sorry for anyone who really likes reading my blog, all 3 of you (if there are even that many).

I've been busy living and finding myself. Finding things out about myself that I might have not wanted to know, but glad that I found out. I've gotten a little more direction in life, almost securing up a full time job for summer which I am grateful for. I think I'm leaning towards going home...for now at least, which I'm ok with.

I'm going to a Copeland Concert tonight, so definitely expect a post late tonight or tomorrow. Copeland is my favorite band and I know it sounds corny but I get very inspired while listening to their music. A lot of the songs I have written have come while listening to their music.

Love you guys.


Peach ( i wrote peach instead of peace on accident, so im leaving it)

Midnight Snacks and Sidehugs

So today is a joyous day, and i just wanted to tell you all a little bit about midnight snacks and side hugs. Last night me and Jake shared a midnight snack, and it turned into a giggle fest for no reason. There may or may not have been some gas passed, a sketchy character named Jed creeping out of his room, and the awkward roommate gliding around our kitchen. Whatever it was, it made me laugh a lot. I enjoyed a philly cheesesteak hot pocket and Jake had some crackers and cheese. Then i had some ritz bits and Jake had more crackers and peanut butter. So we ate, and chilled, and ate, and then we went to bed.....in our own rooms, to clarify. It was a nice treat.


....oh! and sidehugs, I'm sitting in class right now and my teacher is bringing up sidehugs and how front hugs can be inappropriate because it causes arousal, and I just thought this was pretty humerous. Hahaha, then a full blown conversation about sidehugs and church hugs broke out. sweet life, Liberty University.

thats it. boooored. waiting for the weekend, it's going to be awwwwwesome!


Peace!

Short shorts.

UrbanDictionary.com defines Short Shorts as:

1.	short shorts:
	Extremely short shorts. ex. WHO WEARS SHORT SHORTS? we wear short shorts.

These are typically reserved for women and runners, and Jordan.
Last night was an 80's party, and one to remember. I wore skin tight white short shorts with a yellow sleeveless mesh shirt, and a multi-colored nylon track jacket. Needless to say I pretty much personified the 80's. It was fantastic. You should keep in mind that when you're dealing with a creature of my size, short shorts can be dangerous. Knowing there was going to be dancing i should have thought things through a bit more...but live and learn, right?!?! Anyways, a few sexy moves into the night, my zipper burst...after many failed attempts at fixing the peep-show problem, I accepted my insuming fate. So i continued to dance the rest of the night with a hole in my crotch. This understandable sparked a variety of reactions from the, oh lets say 60 people there....and if i have to be honest, if it were not for my incredible display of dance moves, providing humerous and appreciative voyuerism, I might have turned some stomachs. PHEW, my super sexy, professional dance moves saved me again.

So i laugh at you....those who thought i could'nt pull off short shorts. HA! I fooled you yet again!




moral of the story: Don't underestimate Jordan Benjamin, he is fierce!

peace! J-Bone OUT!

Even Though

Today is a good day....

Even though i am currently met with numerous obstacles, today is a good day.
Even though i don't know where i will be living in a few months, today is a good day.
Even though the economy seems like a pit of sinking sand, today is a good day.
Even though i don't know how or where I will get a job, today is a good day.

because...

I have been bought with the blood of Christ!
I have been cleaned with the whitest snow!
I have been protected by the most experienced force!
I have been loved by the Creator!

Circumstances will not govern my life.
Regret will not govern my life.
Anxiety will not govern my life.
Joy, Discipline, Obedience, Grace, and Love will govern my life!

Live to love, love to touch, touch to feel, feel to know, know to respect, respect to obey, obey to praise, praise to honor, honor to live. Think about it.




peace, love, out

Put Down In Words

You inspire me
With the sweetest ease
Tracing your lips
with the waves of the sea

I could write for a lifetime
But never put down in words
My love for you, cause my
thoughts get lost in your eyes

Morning calls with beauty’s light
I pray one day you wake with me
Lay in bed all day thinking of
Songs to sing that night

We would break the mold of love
Talk about the stars above
Falling to meet us on the ground
Fall from sight without a sound

I could write for a lifetime
But never put down in words
My love for you, cause my
thoughts get lost in your eyes

Let me be what you dreamed for
a love never seen before.
A love that doesn’t stop in bad
Weather, a love that fights together
And a love that last forever

Clean

he wispers in my ear
as the tears cascade
it will never be clear
why there is so much pain

i know my past is dark
and love doesnt seem real
but there is hope for the heart
we will soon see and feel..

the presence of peace
that answers our plea
come comfort to me
make me new and clean

Just when it seems like
im going to break
he takes my hand and
offers strength.
Let him be everything
and you'll finally see
what it means to live free

i know my future looks bright
but i get caught in the past,
in the brokeness of night.
i want to live, not simply last