pray

So i was laying in bed last night and i was wondering what was missing. I love the Lord, but im so lazy. i just starting praying, hoping the Lord would reveal something to me. I just started apologizing to Him for trying to fill the space He was meant to live in, and the place I once gave Him control of. I've attempted to fill it with alcohol, being the center of attention, humor, girls, which works for awhile...but anyone who lays in bed at night alone knows what im talking about. In the quiet of the night, there is an eery emptiness if your relationship with God isnt strong.

How do I get so numb, coming to a place where simply talking to God is something i can barely fit into 5 minutes of my life. Forgive me Lord. I'm reminded of the song by Derek Webb "I Repent" in which he states, "Lord forgive me for living like i deserve anything." My life is straight crazy right now. Mainly because Im graduating in may, which will be the biggest transition of my life to this point. But im making it alot more difficult for myself because something stupid inside of me thinks its more intelligent to worry than to pray. Go ME! God, help me. Please give me some confidence about my future, or at least a hunch. Please give me more of a passion for you, and help me grow my faith. I want to be able to trust you in ever facet of my life.

Thats pretty much it for me right now. I'm wicked random so if anyone ever reads this, expect more of the same. Hopefully i'll make you laugh a little. Just me being me, honest as abe. peace