WOW

"It wasn't so long ago that you were mired in that old stagnant life of sin. You let the world, which doesn't know the first thing about living, tell you how to live. You filled your lungs with polluted unbelief, and then exhaled disobedience. We all did it, all of us doing what we felt like doing, when we felt like doing it, all of us in the same boat. It's a wonder God didn't lose his temper and do away with the whole lot of us. Instead, immense in mercy and with an incredible love, he embraced us. He took our sin-dead lives and made us alive in Christ. He did all this on his own, with no help from us! Then he picked us up and set us down in the highest heaven in company with Jesus, our Messiah." Ephesians 2: 1-6

Wow. This is the God we serve, or don't serve. People, God is generous in his love for us. Today's sermon combined with the days events and this scripture, there is a well inside me that is quickly changing from empty to full and the result of this will be life changing for me. Thank you so much Lord for loving me enough to give me multiple chances to attempt to show you my love. I need your strength more than ever and I pray you will instill within me the power to forgive and the need to love and live for you. How great is our God?!?!

I want to live in The Shack

Ok...so it has been fooooreeeeeveeeeeer. I'm sorry to those who lived on my every word. ha.

This post will kinda be a recap of the last month of my life. Random points here and there, don't worry.

I want to start by saying how GOOD God is...in every sense of the word.

1. The Shack
2. Emotional Restoration
3. Weight loss journey
4. Job opportunities.

yes, i just bulletined my blog highlights.

mmk back to business.

1. I read the shack this past month and it was incredible. I absolutely loved it. It has made me look at so many things differently and has made God, and the trinity so much more real and applicable. I believe the message of the book is incredibly powerful and has the ability to literally change lives. The author writes from semi experience based on the troubles of his life growing up and it is truly authentic.

- Sitting in church today, something clicked in my head. Something that is incredibly simple but makes understanding human nature a lot easier. When we chose to sin, it is because we believe God is not good. We believe He is not enough, so we turn to the world. Now don't get me wrong, ive known this all along...but there is something that just clicked. The simplicity of it. I have never been given a reason to doubt God, or believe He is not Good. In fact, compared to alot of people i know, I've had a fairly easy life. I am very blessed. All I know is God's goodness, so it just goes to show how our nature gets the best of us when we're not always on guard.

....Anyways, back to the book. If you havent read it, do so....quickly. It's worth it I promise!

2. God has used that book and many other things to fill the void I had recently. Anyone that has felt pain and hurt, or even just dissappointment at certain events that take place in life, that we dont really have much of a say in knows what I was feelings. Heartbreak. But God really did do something amazing and it kinda seemed like overnight. Amazing how that happens. I'm not going to stand here (simply because im actually laying in bed right now) and tell you Im not sad at times or that I dont get lonely, cause everyone does....but I understand the purpose and the process better, now.

3. I havent blogged about my weightloss in well over a month, but I have lost 19lbs. I truly am greatful that JC has given me the strength to keep going with this and for making it seem very attainable. My goal is 45lbs total, but i started saying i wanted to lose 20-30lbs by the end of summer...my goal is very close and I can alllllmost reach it. I'm really happy about it! I feel great and I am much more confident =)

and 4. I actually have a 2nd interview tomorrow (monday 7/12) on the phone with LU for the recruitment position. I'm in the top 3 out of all interviewed and tomorrow is just a few more questions, then they will pick out of us 3. I'm seriously thanking God so much for allowing me the opportunity even thus far. Even if I don't get it, I know that God will use it =) but i feel pretty confident I will get it.

SO YEA...thats my life at this point...in a nutshell.


peace

I've gotta feelin'

So a few random things...

1. The new Black Eye Peas CD is hoppin', and by hoppin' i mean bangin', and by bangin', i mean rockin'! Seriously...if your body like to move...it will be thanking you for months.

2. God is soo good. Potentially I could go from having an empty plate to a feast in a few short days. I will explain further if it pans out.

3. I had the weirdest dream last night. crazy weird. I woke up laughing...

4. I'm sure in the vast, deep blue ocean there is at least one fish with aquaphobia. Why do i think this? Because God likes humor just as much as we do.

5. I have some of the best friends in the world.

6. I want to be famous.



thats it. smile!

-PapaBear

I wouldn't say Im freakin out, buuuut...

Ok...

I'm seriously not trying to complain anymore than I already have, cause God is good.
But heres the thing. I only got one shift at work last week and I had to call out sick which sucked. I'm waiting to see how many I get for next week but I have to be honest...I'm not very optimistic. I have a feeling I'm not going to make much money the rest of the summer which is a real bummer. I would love to see God do something amazing out of this and I have the faith that He will. But it is tough to just sit and wait. I'm trying to apply for jobs but considering im trying to go back up to VA in the fall, i highly doubt any businesses will hire me for 2 months which adds another negative to the puzzle.

please keep praying for me!


On a more positive note...I'm at the lowest weight I've been at since I started losing. I hit a little hiccup cause of various celebrations...but I've now lost 11 1/2 lbs. I weighed in this morning at 258. I feel good and I praise God he has kept me strong so far.

God bless, I promise my next blog will be funny...haha I'm workin on some stuff =)


peace

Jordan

Interesting...

So i continue to learn...

Sitting in church tonight it started to sink in....how much God really loves us. It is incredible!!! I totally understand what Paul was talking about in Romans when He was fighting with his human nature. I find myself really wanting to grow closer to God, but it really is hard. Life seems to get in the way so easily. I really am trying...but then when i look at my actions, it seems like my want to strive for righteousness doesn't mean anything. I know its not true...God just wants us to try, but when i see myself not quite matching up with what i want...i get frustrated.

I'm really tryin to get my life together...but sometimes it feels like it's out of control. It definitely helps when I get encouragement like i did tonight. Corrie rocks!

hahaha. I sit in awe of how incredible God is and how much he deserves. We love because he first loved us. He gave us the perfect example of everything we should be on earth. When you really think of the ultimate sacrifice He gave us and the blessings he continues to give us every day, we owe Him our lives in service at least. My pastor pointed out such an amazing principle... God has always been searching for man. When He said this I kinda had to think about it cause growing up i heard, "God just wants you to take the first step and he'll be right there with you". But if you look in Genesis, when Adam and Eve ate from the tree and were trying to hide themselves...GOD came looking for Adam. He has and will always be persuing us! How incredible is that. Despite my inconsistancy and lack of faith...God never grows impatient and He continues to persue my heart. What a loving God I serve....How can I, and you wake up every morning and not praise Him for who He is. There is none like Him. There is no other name, given to man, by which we can be saved. He who had known no sin, BECAME sin and sacrificed his life, so that we may know God. When I think about these things they nearly bring tears to my eyes. God gave so much and most the time i give so little, and He loves me just the same.

I'm really rambling right now, but I just feel overwhelmed with grace and love right now, so deal with it. Buuut God is awesome and he continues to show me new things everyday =)


peace,

Jordan

nuggets

dooo dee dooo dee dooooo...."OH, hey there! I didn't notice you..."


Ok so heres what i got for you'll tonight. Birthdays are all happy and perfect, right? hardly. Usually for me i end up losing my temper or being bummed out. This yr i didnt lose my temper, so it was automatically a decent day, but i am a bit bummed.

Life has been a little wishy washy recently. I have alot of free time on my hands and no money....which is a really bad combination. I should be spending it wisely, but who actually spends time wisely anymore?!?!
- so being kinda bummed, i opened the Bible. I didn't really find anything that stuck out to me so I picked up this devotional book i have of Max Lucado and read a bout a weeks worth of devotionals. I found 3 concepts i really needed to hear.

1. patience
2. perserverance
3. prayer

p.s. i really didnt try and do the alliteration thing, that was legit. im not baptist, trust me.

1. Patience is a gift of the Holy Spirit. It is a free gift that is given to us, but to develop it we have to be intune with the spirit inside of us. The Holy Spirit can only show you so much if you're not really working together. Good ole Max said to pray for patience if you dont have it. Keep keep keep praying for patience and you will get it, God will not grow impatient with you.

2. Perserverance. The new testament talks about this all the time, probably because of its importance, duh. Lucado uses the story of the fishermen out at sea. When they dropped there nights over and over and didnt get any fish all night. The Lord comes to them and tells them to drop their nets one more time...this story hit me hard tonight. When we(I) struggle through life, God sees it. It's not like he's standing in a corner with His hands up blocking is sight...He sees you. He knows you're struggling and he sees that your weak. Knowing all this He asks us to keep trying....just ooone more time. Push and push til you hit the wall, then push it over. This is a hard concept for me to actually apply cause its so much easier to give up. Refer to James 1 for more on the topic.

3. Prayer. Ok ok, show of hands....who doesn't worry? ..... ...... ...... right, me neither. It seems like worry has become a part of my life, and im sure someone else feels the same. That doesnt have to be the case. The Bible says to pray about everything, pray without ceasing, present your requests to God. Prayer is something that is so simple, yet so complex. Prayer relies on faith. I really really really need to work on this cause my prayer life has gotten laaaaame. I worry way to much and it's stressing me out lately...and those of you who know me, i never stress. so this is a big deal.

i guess they say you learn more in the low points of your life, right? well i sure hope so.


tryin to stay positive. life's tough =/

JB

Music

Pretty basic blog today, so don't get your hopes up. I know you're used to amazing words flowing from my lips, grabbed my hands and rolling off my fingertips into your hearts, but you aint gunna get much of that today.


Music is amazing. God really knew what he was doing when he created these rhythms and melodies. There is such power in the collection of sounds. I can be in what seems like the depths, and one simple song can lift me up to normalcy. Or i can be feeling totally okay and i hear a song and almost cry (ya i know im lame). It's crazy to think about how much music effects emotion. It's beautiful, really.

I wish i had talent like that. ha



feelin a bit melancholy today, which believe it or not is better than i thought id be. I feel like im falling and i really hope there is a trampoline below me. haha. I think i'll do a blog about humor soon, cause there is something amazing about humor as well. sweet. im all over the place today.


peace.

You receive not because you ask not.....ORRR because you're not ready

Look into a mirror. No seriously.....I'll wait.......

did you go look? probably not, but my point is this. What do you see? Do you see more or less than what you would like to see? Do you see someone that God sacrificed His son for? Do you see a beautiful Creation?

That is where we have to start. everyday...looking at ourselves with the understanding that we have something to offer the world, even if it's not much, we do! even on our darkest days, we DO have something to offer.

OK, now that we have briefly addressed our Identity in Christ, I now want to transition into a time of our expectations of God based on our Identities...but mainly mine, because, well, I'm the one writing. DUH!
The title of this blog is what it is for a very specific reason. The scriptures say ask and you shall receive, and later states, you have not because you ask not. This is taken way out of context, along with the verse "He will give you the desires of your heart". There is so much going on within scripture around these verses that gets overlooked. We read that and we say, "hmmm...I have not cause I ask not? Well then I'll simply ask...God, can I have this?" Not quiiiiiite how it works, unfortunately. Ha.

Hopefully this is as cohesive here as it is in my head. What Im trying to say is that I find myself asking God for things that I'm not ready for. I don't do this on purpose...but something in my pride actually makes me think I am ready and I can handle it. I was in the shower yesterday and it hit me...maybe things don't always work out cause I'm not ready for everything that comes with them. WOW, what a freakin' concept.

out of this post, which is mainly for me anyways, I would like for you to get a few things if possible.

1. Just because you ask, doesn't mean you'll receive.
2. We more often then not do not receive because we are not as ready as we think we are.
3. His ways are higher than our ways
4. His love endures forever.
5. I suck - no thats a joke. I am everything in Him and nothing outside of Him.

Until me, you, or Madea understands these truths we will continue to be frustrated when we ask and don't recieve. I write this as I am "waiting" for something in particular. It is not right, right now, because I am not right, right now. With this recent understanding I will try to get myself right, so I will be ready when the situation arises.

Truth must be your foundation if you hope to build towards greatness.


thats it. random and messy. take it or leave it.
peeeeace!

Jordan

keep on keepin on...

So i weighed myself this morning and I have lost 10 1/2 pounds in 10 days. I couldnt be happier about the speed at which im losing weight. It really is a blessing from the Lord because up to this point it hasnt been too difficult. This process is actually helping me build some much needed discipline are well.

I started my journey weighing 269.5 and I weighed in this morning at 259. To be honest i dont really feel any different and i dont think i look like i've lost 10lbs, but hopefully i will keep losing. I said to myself that i would be happy if i lost 20lbs by the end of the summer, but here we are at only the end of may and I've already lost 10. So why stop at 20, right? right. The way im eating isnt too much different than before, just a little more controlled. I think i could live like this from now on and be happy, especially if i keep losing weight.

so a week and a half after i started im 259. I realize my pace will slow after about 2 weeks, and I might be a little discouraged, but keep praying for me and encouraging me. The good thing is im in florida for the summer and we've got the hottest part of summer ahead of us....so hopefully i can sweat off an extra few pounds. haha. If I am under 24o by the time i go back to school i will be very proud of myself!!! and truely very happy. My end goal is about 225-230. I DONT want to be skinny, thats a fact (no offense Bill). But at 230 I think i would be in good shape. I understand 40lbs is alot, and i dont expect to hit this goal very quickly, but I will eventually. I promise you this!

thanking God for His graces,

Jordan

This is tough

I'm in a really tough time in my life right now. It's getting hard to find joy, which is really sad. I wouldn't say I'm depressed, but I'm really struggling with having a positive outlook on life right now.

It feels like I'm getting hit with a wall of frustration and confusion. The thoughts in my head are all scrambled and despite a genuine longing to search harder after God, getting caught up in stupid bad habits. I looked in 1 Peter tonight and found an encouraging verse.

⁶In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. ⁷These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. ⁸Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, ⁹for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls....¹³Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed. ¹⁴As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance. ¹⁵But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; ¹⁶for it is written: "Be holy, because I am holy."


There is a part in there that stood out to me. It's the part that says put your hope in the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed. What i gather from this is that we are NOT supposed to put our hope in current situations because we will continue to be let down and boy do i know that to be true currently. I want my faith to be proved genuine, but I'm finding harder and harder to trust God lately, even when im trying more. It's just such a principle that is foreign to man...just let go...it seems ridiculous.

I'm trying here, I really am. I want to be joyful...I pride myself in being a happy, funny guy that people want to be around. However its getting harder to hold on to that happiness. Please pray for me. There are alot of decisions to make in my near future that will effect it directly, with relationships and situations.

peace,

Jordan

A walk on the lighter side...

So, since i've been home i've been trying to eat healthier and work out. The result in the first 6 days is the loss of 5lbs. I feel pretty good, im not going to lie. I'm officially doing weight watchers now and im going to continue to work out. My goal is to lose at least 20lbs by the end of summer!
I definitely feel like i can achieve this and I can't wait...

I will keep updating each week, giving my weight lost. Cheer me on!




p.s. Bill and Rev are getting married next Saturday...INSANE!


Jordan,

Peace

think about it

I wonder if gay men ever secretly want to go to prison.

............think about it.







peace

Out of Hibernation

so here's the deal...

1. I'm a college graduate now! hooray hooray, right? riiiiight. My experience as a college graduate has shown me that it is very easy to take time for granted. I graduated on a Saturday, left Lynchburg on a wednesday, and I'm currently alone at home on a Friday. Livin the life, what can i say(i hope you can sense my sarcasm). Its not all bad, dont get me wrong.

2. I'm 2 days removed from Lynchburg and it seems like a yr. I never thought i'd miss that place as much as i do. I could be a little bias cause the beautiful girl that has my heart is still there, but i really did learn to love that city. Hopefully i can find a way to get back there.

3. The job search begins. I have my degree in Psychology, with a specialization in counseling. I am not really qualified for much with just my undergraduate. I have to find a job to get me through grad school, even if it sucks....then I'll be sitting pretty!

4. I love my friends more than anything in the world. they have been my family away from home for 4 yrs. I miss them so much already, but I have this reassurance that I will be back in the burg, or see them before i know it. If not, i guess God will show me a reason for it.




enjoy,

peace

So Until Then

A lot can happen when the sun goes down,
as long as it happens without a sound,
Cause we're whispering our words away,
stay still, stay here, just stay...

Breath in the beauty of the earth and sea,
smile for yourself or smile for me.
Whatever it takes to make you happy,
that's the man I'll be...

You're eyes have the power to save
and your lips continue to amaze,
but your heart has awaken me,
that I may see your beauty.

You are all that I know and all that I love,
I will only be what you see in me,
cause you're the greatest hope I see,
I pray that when you open your eyes you'll see only me.

Soon we'll be gone, who knows how long.
Hold on to the hope of the past,
you never believe me but my love will last
waiting strong til you come back
praying my heart will soon come back

So kiss me, cause until then I'll be here.
hold on to the love inside of you,
hold on to the words we've said so true
We will be together again soon,
but until then I will love you more
than I know how, more than you will remember,
more than you can forget,
I will love youwith every breath I have left

Neglect

I haven't written recently, and I'm sorry for anyone who really likes reading my blog, all 3 of you (if there are even that many).

I've been busy living and finding myself. Finding things out about myself that I might have not wanted to know, but glad that I found out. I've gotten a little more direction in life, almost securing up a full time job for summer which I am grateful for. I think I'm leaning towards going home...for now at least, which I'm ok with.

I'm going to a Copeland Concert tonight, so definitely expect a post late tonight or tomorrow. Copeland is my favorite band and I know it sounds corny but I get very inspired while listening to their music. A lot of the songs I have written have come while listening to their music.

Love you guys.


Peach ( i wrote peach instead of peace on accident, so im leaving it)

Midnight Snacks and Sidehugs

So today is a joyous day, and i just wanted to tell you all a little bit about midnight snacks and side hugs. Last night me and Jake shared a midnight snack, and it turned into a giggle fest for no reason. There may or may not have been some gas passed, a sketchy character named Jed creeping out of his room, and the awkward roommate gliding around our kitchen. Whatever it was, it made me laugh a lot. I enjoyed a philly cheesesteak hot pocket and Jake had some crackers and cheese. Then i had some ritz bits and Jake had more crackers and peanut butter. So we ate, and chilled, and ate, and then we went to bed.....in our own rooms, to clarify. It was a nice treat.


....oh! and sidehugs, I'm sitting in class right now and my teacher is bringing up sidehugs and how front hugs can be inappropriate because it causes arousal, and I just thought this was pretty humerous. Hahaha, then a full blown conversation about sidehugs and church hugs broke out. sweet life, Liberty University.

thats it. boooored. waiting for the weekend, it's going to be awwwwwesome!


Peace!

Short shorts.

UrbanDictionary.com defines Short Shorts as:

1.	short shorts:
	Extremely short shorts. ex. WHO WEARS SHORT SHORTS? we wear short shorts.

These are typically reserved for women and runners, and Jordan.
Last night was an 80's party, and one to remember. I wore skin tight white short shorts with a yellow sleeveless mesh shirt, and a multi-colored nylon track jacket. Needless to say I pretty much personified the 80's. It was fantastic. You should keep in mind that when you're dealing with a creature of my size, short shorts can be dangerous. Knowing there was going to be dancing i should have thought things through a bit more...but live and learn, right?!?! Anyways, a few sexy moves into the night, my zipper burst...after many failed attempts at fixing the peep-show problem, I accepted my insuming fate. So i continued to dance the rest of the night with a hole in my crotch. This understandable sparked a variety of reactions from the, oh lets say 60 people there....and if i have to be honest, if it were not for my incredible display of dance moves, providing humerous and appreciative voyuerism, I might have turned some stomachs. PHEW, my super sexy, professional dance moves saved me again.

So i laugh at you....those who thought i could'nt pull off short shorts. HA! I fooled you yet again!




moral of the story: Don't underestimate Jordan Benjamin, he is fierce!

peace! J-Bone OUT!

Even Though

Today is a good day....

Even though i am currently met with numerous obstacles, today is a good day.
Even though i don't know where i will be living in a few months, today is a good day.
Even though the economy seems like a pit of sinking sand, today is a good day.
Even though i don't know how or where I will get a job, today is a good day.

because...

I have been bought with the blood of Christ!
I have been cleaned with the whitest snow!
I have been protected by the most experienced force!
I have been loved by the Creator!

Circumstances will not govern my life.
Regret will not govern my life.
Anxiety will not govern my life.
Joy, Discipline, Obedience, Grace, and Love will govern my life!

Live to love, love to touch, touch to feel, feel to know, know to respect, respect to obey, obey to praise, praise to honor, honor to live. Think about it.




peace, love, out

Put Down In Words

You inspire me
With the sweetest ease
Tracing your lips
with the waves of the sea

I could write for a lifetime
But never put down in words
My love for you, cause my
thoughts get lost in your eyes

Morning calls with beauty’s light
I pray one day you wake with me
Lay in bed all day thinking of
Songs to sing that night

We would break the mold of love
Talk about the stars above
Falling to meet us on the ground
Fall from sight without a sound

I could write for a lifetime
But never put down in words
My love for you, cause my
thoughts get lost in your eyes

Let me be what you dreamed for
a love never seen before.
A love that doesn’t stop in bad
Weather, a love that fights together
And a love that last forever

Clean

he wispers in my ear
as the tears cascade
it will never be clear
why there is so much pain

i know my past is dark
and love doesnt seem real
but there is hope for the heart
we will soon see and feel..

the presence of peace
that answers our plea
come comfort to me
make me new and clean

Just when it seems like
im going to break
he takes my hand and
offers strength.
Let him be everything
and you'll finally see
what it means to live free

i know my future looks bright
but i get caught in the past,
in the brokeness of night.
i want to live, not simply last

GO

Speak to me,
Tell me it's a dream
Tell me life is more than it seems,
a higher frequency.
Cause it's getting dark and i can't see
close your eyes a breath

...tell me what you see
there are children dying and
we just let them bleed.
They are starving and we
neglect to feed, who are we?

Why do we say we love
when we dont understand the cost
we get so selfish and lost
in who we ought to be, be
the help to a hungry girl, love
the lost and change the world

...tell me what you see,
the world is dying and we
let it bleed. We are nothing if
we dont obey the King.

Go, go and bear fruit.
be the salt and be the light
so others may finally see the sight
of the loving Father, maker of life.

speak to me.
Open my eyes to what
I choose not to see,
a broken world
an abandoned girl
break my greed
please Jesus, make me clean
Make me see the need
for the faithful to rise
and plant the seed.

change us Lord, for the sake of the children.
Break us now for the sake of your Kingdom.

Poverty

I envy poverty,
Not for the lives it claims,
But for the hearts it saves.
For the strength it portrays
I am desperate to see
A passion that will control me
Strip from me, everything
Everything that makes me numb.
I want to feel pain,
I want a grass stain,
To know I am alive.
I’m sick of waking up in a bed of shame.
Break my identity, break my name.
Leave me feeling empty, without you.
I envy poverty,
Because it demands faith,
A faith that can weather rain
Uncertainty is a plague
Fueled by supply and demand.
It’s crippling me,
I cannot even stand
I’m sinking into apathy,
Save me.
Please save me.
Make me strong,
Like a faith enduring poverty.
I want to feel alive,
I want to love the life in front of me.
But I am helpless unless you save me.
Please save me.
I’m high on dependency,
This life is too much for me.
Save me graciously.
Be my faith to weather the rain.
Be my identity, the only name,
By which I can be saved.



This is my pride and joy of writing. I absolutely love this poem that i wrote almost 2 years ago next month. The words still stand so true today and I hope everyone enjoys it as much as I do! =)

Fragile

All at once I wake up in a dream,
Listening, I hear a voice lingering,
Telling me what my heart is too hard to see
My life is fragile, but I will not break.
My mind is willing, but I'm not awake.
Sometimes I think about life
And the pain I try to vainly escape
Covering myself with clichés,
As an attempt to set things straight.
This will not stop the bleeding
this dream will not curb the feeling
realistically, I must face reality
accepting the stage that was built for me,
singing even when I cant see
dreaming even when I cant sleep
There may be a better way,
a path with less bends and breaks, but I'm
walking along this empty road,
and it is mine, all mine, and I'm
making my way.
Somedays I am strong,
Somedays I am weak,
Sometimes I go to breathe,
But my lungs will not inhale…
Sometimes I think about life
And the pain I try to vainly escape
Covering myself with clichés,
As an attempt to set things straight.
This will not stop the bleeding
this dream will not curb the feeling
"Sleep through the bad days," I once heard.
But if you're so involved with sleep,
How can you live out your dreams? I Lay in bed
Restless, pondering my life's achievements,
Successfully breathing for the first time.
Sometimes I think about my life
And the pain I try to vainly escape,
Am I a waste of time and space?
Am I too far gone to save?

Gay Mirrors

Ok, so this one is going to be a little random, maybe even weird, but i found it hilarious.

The other day I was having a conversation with my friend Bethany and we were talking about random stuff. It led to her saying how she wasn't having a very good day, and the conversation went downhill from there. I suggested dancing naked, as a joke, cause i think its funny, and she replied with how she does that regularly, but she wasn't in the mood. I followed with, "lucky mirrors" like when shes dancing, and her response was priceless. She was like, "unless the mirrors are gay and the sight of a naked woman nauseates them". I laughed hysterically! Then i got to thinking, what if random things around our houses had sexual preferences, like a gay mirror. Imagine all the thoughts that this so called gay mirror will have had all the years you were living in your house and it saw you naked. Orrr what about a gay shower head? Awkward.

Anyways, this was one of those posts more for me, just cause i found it very humerous. If you got a giggle from it, *highfive! if not, go read someone elses' blog, butthead. ha just kidding.



peace,

p.s. my next few posts are going to be songs i wrote in my past that im gunna share with you all...

MYRTLE!

I leaving tomorrow for Myrtle Beach for Easter weekend. Me and Jed are going down to spend Easter with Bill and Rev, and both their families. This has come to be a tradition over the college years and I wouldn't have it any other way. I've had some good times in Myrtle over past breaks, liiiiike Eating KFC 2 Easter's ago, or leaving a trail of twizzlers for Rev to wake up to, the oh so good lazy river. Broadway Poster Store. Eat at eat at Joes. haha. Catfish eating Briton's $20(fortelling). GOOD TIMES!

Anyways, we are going back tomorrow and I expect another great weekend. All of my stresses and problems seem to fade back into the dark when I get to see Bill and Rev. It feels like home! You know you have great friends when you can be apart for long periods of time, but yet pick up where you left off the last time.


Who knows, I could end up in Myrtle before I know it. I could see myself in the new apartment spare room, cooking family dinners, coming home from work and telling about our days, going to Barefoot together, Beach on Sunday afternoons. Thats the Life! haha. If it were only that easy.

When my mom reads this she will be saying "no, come back home". That's probably what will happen momma, im just dreaming.

Anyways, Im getting carried away. The point is I'm in a good mood and today is a good day!

Hmmm?

So I was just sitting here wondering if there was any way possible that i could fit into a Kangaroo's pouch. They get pretty big ya know...And I can't curl up pretty small. I bet i could do it! and it would be a great adventure.

The Kangaroo might die, but I think it's worth a shot.



look at this guy, so modest ^

p.s. this is inspired by me hearing the movie Australia really loud in the basement.

the end.

Light Hearted...

So some part of me thinks it would be cool to live in a nudist colony, ya know, cause who doesn't like being nude...but those thoughts are quickly followed by ones of people having nightmares and sleep walking in a nudist colony, and some part of me doesn't think it would end well in a lot of cases. So then I change my mind about living in a nudist colony.






the end.

I need a lot of help with this one!

Ok, so let me start by saying God is great. I've started some past posts on a negative point and ended positive, so this time i'm going to start positive and see where it takes me.

Let me start by first admitting that I am genuinely scared right now. At about 1:30pm today i got a call from a Legal agency that brought up a name i really wish i could erase from my memory. For anyone of you who know the situation, I was trying to do a good thing and help someone out that was in need....I got screwed, and lost out on some money. I've slowly gotten to a place where I'm ok with it and I'm moving past it......Until today, I get called by a legal agency saying that Jack Weight has defrauded a business and oh so conveniently used my name and number as a reference for whatever happened. So they said it would be in my best interest to contact him and tell him to call them, and if he doesnt then it's going to become my legal issue. Well this isnt exactly advice that I want to hear when Im trying to move on and learn from my past.

- I dont understand how i can be held responsible for someone just stealing my name and number, but it's still scary, i admit.

I'm really trying my best to just give it to God and pray about it but i would really appreciate all your prayers as well. Just pray that this goes away and that God calms my spirit and gives me an assurance that He is going to handle it.

I realize that when we make bad decisions, God sometimes lets us go so that we hit our bottom or at least realize its not working without Him, for me this was last semester. I went through a lot and it has brought be back to where i want to be, and continuing to grow if very important to me now. I just don't understand why God allows stuff like this to happen at times in our lives where we seem to be on the edge of something. I know He promises that he'll never give us more than we can bare, but it's so hard to believe because so many times it feels like more than i can. I'm really trying to practice faith and trust right now, and its hard, i'll admit. I really do know and believe that God is in control, I just honestly cant comprehend why he would bring this Jack thing back into my life right now, with so many other issues on my plate. I really feel like i learned my lesson and was growing from it, and then I get smacked with this. I don't want to doubt God because He clearly knows way more than me...I just wish i had more wisdom, to understand at least some of His ways.

Please please please pray that this would just Go away. I would really rather just put this behind me, especially when i feel like i have dealt with my consequences and im growing. I don't know if this is Satan trying to throw my past back in my face and knock me off track, or I don't know if this is God really pushing me to the brink to try and get me to give up all my trust. I dont know, and there are few things more frustrating in the world than not knowing.

I need the help of my friends and family, just to be praying my name doesnt get dragged through the dirt anymore by this douchebag and I can start to reestablish this part of my life. I know God is in control and I do want to put all my trust in Him. Just keep me in your prayers, even just for a short second. God has the power to do anything and I know he'll take care of everything.


thats really it for today, im not really in much of a giving wisdom, or making people laugh mood today. I love you all and i appreciate you taking time to read this and pray. I can't thank you enough.

peace,
Jordan

different things...

so i saw Slumdog Millionaire tonight, which was incredible. It really made me appreciate the life I have, and almost pissed me off that I let stupid worries weigh me down.

I'm laying here wondering why life happens the way it does. Why does pain have to feel so real? Why is love so hard to find? Why does life sometimes seems to fall apart even when you think you're making all the right choices? How do I really trust?

That's one that is really hitting me hard right now. Like we say we TRUST God, and have faith that He'll lead us in the right direction, which i do. But if you break it down and really think, How do you put FULL trust in anything? it is so hard. Like in every day life, it is an art to losing yourself.
I'll keep trying.

Now back to love...or should i even bother, ha.

Love is tough, but it's what we are here for, and what gives us hope to tackle each day ahead. Being such an intricate part of our lives, why not try to understand it right? I've grown up on what the Bible says about it, which is obviously and so evidently true, but when it comes to the messed up world that we live in, things get a bit more difficult.

Like....oh, um...lets see....
1. Love is patient....ya soooo i might have a little problem with this one.
2. Love keeps no records of wrong...as i age more im beginning to understand this one, which i always found to be astounding.
3. Love is not proud, it does not boast....ok, this one is tricky. Because love takes work, and naturally you want people to see and admire your work, which can sometimes lead to boasting.
4. Love endures all things....We have the greates example ever imaginable in Christ, who continues to love us despite our ignorance and rebellion.

When you look at Love from the worlds perspectives, i really dont even know what you can expect. I think alot of movies get the feelings accurate, but they dont understand the committment and dedication. They don't show the work it takes. These fairytales are bullcrap. I just want to be with someone that will give themselves to me completely. Someone that appreciates who i am and what i have to offer. Someone that will love me and let me love them in return. Someone to share a house with, a dog with, a bed with, a family with, and someone to grow old with.....is that too much to ask? and i dont want to here this "but you're so young" crap. Cause age is not the reason. Timing, timing, timing. There is a reason that i do not know yet, but i know i will sometime.

I'm sorry to anyone reading. I really dont wanna sound like a grouch, but this is real stuff. This is me just pouring out myself. I really am a very hopeful person with alot of joy, but its so easy to just let life get in the way. It makes sense that we make so many mistakes when it comes to love, cause if we all were perfect there wouldnt be much point of still being on earth. So leave this message with a positive heart. We are still here for a reason, and love has not found me for a reason. I'm doing ok! With the Lord's help i will be more than ok! just gotta keep attacking one day at a time.


Soooo...what you should pull out of this:

Love is amazing, but takes work
I have no idea what im doing
I learn something more each day about love
Jesus is the perfect example of how to love
and...stay positive!

love you all, peace

I feel weird

Do you ever have a feeling that you're tired, but if you go to bed you're going to miss something? It's weird. I feel like it comes partially from loneliness and partially from anxiety.

Then it comes to the anxiety. Where you're anxious for no reason, or at least you cant pinpoint what exactly is making you nervous?!?! It sucks.

This sounds bad, but do you ever feel like you could fast forward through life sometimes. Not just skip a certain amount of time completely, but just speed up what is going to happen anyway. Liiiiiike fast forward to the day I meet my future wife, or fast forward to the day I get a good job. It'd be nice to just wake up and seem like things are perfect at that time. Obviously this isn't possible, but it a perfect world i guess.

Life would be perfect right now if:

1. I owned my own place
2. I had a serious girlfriend
3. I had a steady job
4. I had a king size bed, and
5. I had a dog


buuuut i have none of these things. haha.
I'd take any of the 5 and it would increase happiness a lot. Am i pathetic?

I do have life though, so I might as well live it abundantly.
I'm actually really wanting this recruiting job at Liberty. so if you read this, pray for me to get that job, or any job really. There are so many things i want to do, I'm a dreamer, but i feel like satan is just using the idiosyncrasies of life to put pressure on those dreams.

I also just wanna go on record saying that money sucks. Money ruins everything. how can something man invented the concept of, govern our lives so efficiently? So freakin annoying. Money is the root of all evil, because it sucks the life out of people. When we have it, we never have enough, and when we don't, we let our insufficient funds pull us deeper into the meloncholy of life. UGGGHHH

stay positive! tryyyyy, at least.



the verse of the day is killer: “This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers.”- 1 John 3:16

this just gave me a big boost. woooh God!

k, i got work in the morning. peace out girl scouts.

Friends!

Bill - you are and always will be my best friend. I love ya kid and I can't believe you're getting married!!! We've shared some awesome memories together and i can only hope to be living with you again soon!

Rev - you are marrying a stud, but you already know that. I love you!!! I wouldnt want you to marry anyone else than Bill, you guys are perfect for each other.

Jed - i dont know if i've ever told you this, but i think you have the ability to make me laugh more than anyone ive ever met. you're a good guy and i hope ya stay that way

Jake - oh intern, we've shared some laughs. After i got over the fact that you're from Texas we had alot of fun together bud, love ya.

Alyssa - what can i say, you are the most beautiful girl in the world, inside and out. You have such a heart fro Jesus that shines so bright and i admire you're passion. =)

Jessica - you're one of my favorite people in the world!!! beautiful and so fun. I respect how driven you are and where you have come from to be the woman you are today

Leslie - you're a horrible driver. haha no im just kidding. I love you, our lunches, talks, hugs. You've always been a great friend to me and i appreciate it.

Chelsea - Like i've told you before, nearly everytime i see you, you put a huge smile on my face. You're a trooper and I love how you always shoot me straight, i need people like that in my life. I love you!

Jodi - you are literally the craziest girl i've ever met, and i love you for it. Don't ever change cause your free-spiritedness is so rare and it is so necessary to live a happy life. I hope we stay close forever because i'll always need the randomness and fun that you bring.

Lindsay - flame on girl! represent the Vegina! haha i know we put you through alot of crap, and you put up with it which is more than i can say about alot of people. You're an intelligent, focused, and driven woman and i hope you find your hippie/vegan counterpart soon!

Elyssa - I love you boo. We've had our share of ups and downs, and part of me is surprised we are still friends, but i thank God that we are. You have such a good heart and you're so talented. You're going to do great in life and I hope Im always a part of it.

Kolar - you stud you. You're a likable guy, bud. Im glad you ended up here at Liberty! We've had plenty of fun times in our day and im sure there are plenty more lined up in the future. I expect in 5 to 10 years you have a ballin coaching job, so if not. you suck.

Meredith - thats weird i dont know how long its been that i used your full name. weird. anyways, i have known you arguably the longest out of alot of my friends. I really loved those times freshamn year where me you and em would hang out. Good luck to ya, and i promise to give you a few more awkward moments =)

Bethy - How could i forget you my dear?!?! We have been through alot, and if it weren't for Tommy we would have never met. It makes me super happy every time you stop by for our catch up chats, and you have the hottest body in Lynchburg, oww owww! Stay tan and im sure to see you in Fla in the next few years!!!

Summer - i know i started off being a dick, haha but im glad we've come around. You really are a special girl and im glad i got to know you better. keep dancin' and representing that HOTlanta!

Cammy - we've had some great talks girl. We never got incredibly close, for one reason or another but we've always been close enough to share some pretty awesome hugs. You are definitely a trooper and i admire how much you hang in there in some difficult situations. You show alot of courage and i dont think you realize it.

Daniel - you are so sexy its ridiculous. Seriously sometimes i lay in bed and just think about how you dont just consume yourself and turn in to a firey ball because you are seriously that HOT. I dont know what the world would do without you, rockin out with your .....hmm, nothing rhymes with rockin. But i love you man. You're an awesome guy and its no wonder why everyone loves you!

Dan - you're the best freakin boss i've ever had. You're a cool guy, and im willing to forget that you're a Yankee fan as long as you like PBR. Keeping pissin on car doors and hating Kevin Keys, cause it's why i love you.

Emily - I love you, girl. You're awesome! I'm glad we got back to a place of really good friends! you're an awesome girl and i always have fun when im around you. Come back to the burg! and bring you're BF, cause he's cool.

Michelle - i havent known you that long, chica, but apparently you're good at everything! I love your sarcasm and im endebted to the girls for bein able to meet you. I love the new haircut, super cute. Keep being talented and smiling!

I think i got everyone, if i missed someone that I'm close with, just kick me in the balls and please forgive me cause its early for me. I love you all so much and if it werent for you guys i would be a very lost individual. You all have shaped me more than you know and I will always remember special memories of all of you. Im not trying to get all sappy, but i just wanted all you guys to know I loved you!

What are you doing after you graduate, seriously???

I'm doing this a lot more than i planned, which kinda scares me. At the same time, i like it.

So this one is to answer the age old question, "what are you doing after you graduate?"

I have no idea, isnt that awesome? (hint of sarcasm)

My options at this point(in random order):

1. Go home, be a bum, "look for a job" (live off my parents money).
2. Get a full time job at Liberty in order to get my grad school paid for (ideal).
3. Move to Titusville and live with the coolest kid ever and his wife, and trying to look for a job! (Bildo and Revie)

SO there are the clean cut answers for anyone that cares. Your guess is as good as mine. There are perks of all 3 options, but clearly, the smartest option would be to come back for grad school if i get a job. Living at home would be a good way to save money but it'd be difficult to find a job. And moving in with Rev and Bill would just me wicked cool because it would be new and exciting time of life. So as of now I'm just waiting on the Lord, trying to pray instead of worry, taking it day by day, and enjoying my friendships that might soon come to a halt. I really am loving life, and anything i end up doing will be great im sure. I know God is going to take care of me.

This one is short, but hopefully sweet. Actually its just for me to kinda itemize stuff so i really dont care if you dont like it. ha

peace

Right thing. Wrong time.

So, lets see. What can I liken this to?

picture these things and the complication they induce:

1. A craving for your favorite ice cream in 0 degree weather.
2. A craving for soup on the hottest day of summer.
3. Going to see the most anticipated movie, being late and it's sold out.
4. A massage...when you're sunburned.

These 4 examples all have something in common: THEY ARE THE RIGHT THING AT THE WRONG TIME.

This is arguably life's most beautifully frustrating issue. How can something feel so right, but have seemingly the worst timing ever. It's almost humorous. You get to a point where something finally seems like its going your way, and God says..."Waaaaait". Due to internal and external issues, a good, or even great, thing can be tainted by timing. I know a lot of you have experienced this feeling, it's awful. Now i cant make it all sound bad, because when its good, its amazing. incredible. seemingly perfect. But wait til you get alone, at night...then it hits you. REALITY. The hardest part about this problem is that no one is to blame, except time itself. They say "time heals all wounds" but it sure as hell wrecks alot of things as well. It's very difficult to be "ok" or "comfortable" with something that is completely out of your control. But then again, thats life. We have to trust that God knows what He's doing.

It comes down to looking at life, from the third party view. Sometimes life makes sense, other times it does not. Sometimes life seems perfect, other times it seems hopeless. It is up and down, back and forth, crazy.

Bottom line:

-The right thing at the wrong time can be frustrating, and it's easier to see the negative, for sure. But no one can deny that it will force you to practice virtues such as patience, trust, and self-control. It happens for a reason, along with everything, so im choosing to embrace it. Maybe the right thing will always be the right thing, and time will finally catch up, maybe not. Maybe what seems to be the right thing, is not the "rightest" or "best" thing. Maybe it really is right but it will always be the wrong time. Some things work, some dont

...but keep in mind, All things work together for those of us who love Him. 2 things i want to point out and then im done.

1. When the scripture says All, its referring to God's all, All of His things work together, and...
2. Those who LOVE him, this is an active love. If we are not diligent and active in our love there is no promise that all things will work according to His purpose.

We love because HE first loved us.
Jordan

what to expect...

So this isnt really going to a be a blog where i sit here and tell you what i had to eat for lunch and junk like that. Thats not me. What is me, is saying whats on my mind. Im not fake, a tell it how it is. I love to write so throughout my blogs you could see some poems and lyrics, some anger, passion, doubt, and love. If anyone ever reads these (maybe Jodi. ha), i hope there is some entertainment value, or at least some insight into my mind.

Life is a complicated, but beautiful problem. There is only one solution that is the true answer. Some say there are many different ways to find that answer, but i would disagree. In the one, true answer lies complete satisfaction. To attain this, bumps and bruises are inevitable, broken hearts are likely, and smiles and tears are regular. It is a narrow path that looks untraveled, which if on can be scary, but at the same time comforting. Up to this point in life, you have realized that most good things don't come easy, so if this narrow path (most likely near a very high cliff if your anything like me) looks untraveled, it's logical it should be a good thing....but at the same time, traveling alone usually sucks. But the trick is to realize that you're not alone, because if you look up, there is a big freakin arrow pointing us in the right direction. So now i ask myself, "why is it so stinkin hard to just look up, when instinctively i know the answer is right there." Its like the world puts blinders on our eyes, not so we wont lose focus, but so we can't attain it. It's amazing how things become so clear to us when we take the time to think and write. So as cliche as all of this has been, when traveling down a dark, skinny, close-to-edge path, you're probably going the right way, but when it doubt, just look up.

pray

So i was laying in bed last night and i was wondering what was missing. I love the Lord, but im so lazy. i just starting praying, hoping the Lord would reveal something to me. I just started apologizing to Him for trying to fill the space He was meant to live in, and the place I once gave Him control of. I've attempted to fill it with alcohol, being the center of attention, humor, girls, which works for awhile...but anyone who lays in bed at night alone knows what im talking about. In the quiet of the night, there is an eery emptiness if your relationship with God isnt strong.

How do I get so numb, coming to a place where simply talking to God is something i can barely fit into 5 minutes of my life. Forgive me Lord. I'm reminded of the song by Derek Webb "I Repent" in which he states, "Lord forgive me for living like i deserve anything." My life is straight crazy right now. Mainly because Im graduating in may, which will be the biggest transition of my life to this point. But im making it alot more difficult for myself because something stupid inside of me thinks its more intelligent to worry than to pray. Go ME! God, help me. Please give me some confidence about my future, or at least a hunch. Please give me more of a passion for you, and help me grow my faith. I want to be able to trust you in ever facet of my life.

Thats pretty much it for me right now. I'm wicked random so if anyone ever reads this, expect more of the same. Hopefully i'll make you laugh a little. Just me being me, honest as abe. peace